Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
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