my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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