Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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