I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
