If i come over, it means nothing
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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