I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
