i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
