I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
