when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
