I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
