all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
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