Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
We have so much sex to catch up on
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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