Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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