I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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