this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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