Apparently you make a good broom.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So vagazzling was a success
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
