went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
