I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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