The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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