I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
