I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
