She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
that may or may not have been my penis.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
