You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
