i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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