Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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