DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
