im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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