just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
