so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
