i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
