You don't have asthma, your pregnant
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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