On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
