Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
