Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
