she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
