ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
