It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
