there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
