Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
