They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
