I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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