I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
