The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
