I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
