he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
