I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
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