You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
