i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
me + whiskey = a bad person
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
