but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
