Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
