I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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