Porn is love you can see.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
